Little Johnny hits little Billy right in the eye. (SMACK!)  Billy says, “Ouch!  What did you do that for?!?”  Johnny uncaringly says, “Cuz I wanted to.”  Billy says, “But it’s just plain mean and wrong to hit someone for no reason.”  Johnny flipantly replies, “I don’t care.”  What’s Johnny’s problem?  You might say that immorality is his problem.  He just needs his parents to discipline him and teach him some manners (i.e., morality).  But that is not entirely correct (or precise enough).

Later on that same day Billy and Tommy (one of Billy’s friends) see Johnny at the little league ballpark concession stand where he (unknowingly) drops a ten dollar bill.  Billy starts to alert Johnny about the money he dropped when Tommy stops him by saying, “What are you doing?  Don’t say anything about it.  Let’s let him walk away and then we can take it.”  Billy says, “No,… I don’t think that’d be right.”  Tommy reminds Billy that this is the same kid who, for no apprarent reason, gave him a black eye just hours ago.  ”Let’s take the money and buy some candy for ourselves.  Finders keepers.  Besides, he deserves it.”, says Tommy.  To which Billy responds, “No, Tommy.  That would be stealing.”  Tommy says, “But this is your chance to ’hit’ him back.”  Then Billy resolutely says, “Look, Tommy.  I don’t know about you, but taking that money would be wrong, and I ain’t gonna do it.  Besides, my mom and dad always told me to turn the other cheek.  So,… I’d rather do the right thing and not ‘hit’ him back.”  What’s Billy’s problem?  On the outside it looks like Billy is very moral, even Christ-like.  But perhaps, just perhaps there is something else besides Christ-like morality in Billy’s heart.  I haven’t given enough information here to discern Billy’s motivation and goal, but too many of us would be contentedly proud of both Billy and his parents merely for his moral behavior.  So let’s dig a little deeper.

Johnny’s parents didn’t teach him to act morally, nor did they discipline him when he acted immorally.  Billy’s parents, on the other hand, taught him to do good things, say kinds words, and to respond to people and circumstances with an upright character.  Both of these boys are in danger of being justly condemned to hell forever (Matthew 7:21-23).  There are not just two roads when it comes to teaching our kids morality.  There are three different things that we and our children become: Immoral (which comes by bad example, bad teaching, and by not teaching them rightly (“letting them make their own choices”)), Moral (which is Biblically appropriate and Christ-like living), and Moralistic (which is externally good behavior with a bad heart that stems from false or bad motives and/or inappropriate purposes).

You see, while the external behaviors matter, they are the overflow of internal motivations and desires (Matthew 15:18-19).  Maybe Billy is moral, but maybe he is moralistic.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he thinks that he’ll earn his way to heaven for doing good things.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he was a people-pleaser and desired to be praised by those around him.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he was scared that in his next life his Karma would get him.  The point is, we should not be satisfied with our kids doing right things, but rather we should only be satisfied with them doing right things from a right heart of humble faith in Jesus all for the glory of God.

So, should we teach our children to obey and do what is right?  Of course!  (See also Dr. John Piper’s article on teaching our kids to act morally).  We definitely do not want them to be immoral.  But we also should not want them to be moralistic (i.e., being good only on the outside, while inwardly they are wasting away).  We must teach our children to say, do, think, and respond morally, but never to trust in their morality.  We must teach them and pray for them and model for them true, Christ-like morality.  We must seek to reach their hearts, not just their behavior.  We must ask them probing heart-questions and talk to them about the WHY (both motivations and purposes) for their actions.  We must protect them from the disease of Phariseeism, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy.  We must teach them to be moral, not moralistic; for their everlasting destiny is at stake.