My two and a half year old loves to sing.  Absolutely loves it.  However, he doesn’t always get the words right; or does he?

As we’ve been singing songs of praise and worship to God during our family worship times at night, one of the songs we have been teaching our boys is, “Happy Day”, by Tim Hughes.  The chorus goes like this,

“Oh, happy day, happy day

You washed my sin away

Oh, happy day, happy day

I’ll never be the same

Forever I am changed.”

Well, my son got mixed up a few times and starting singing, “Oh, happy change, happy change.”  This made me think about all of the people who say that they are saved, but who have no evidence of truly being changed or changing because of Jesus’ life, death, burial, resurrection, ascension, and imminent return.  The initial change: the conversion (the transfer from death to life and from darkness to light (Colossians 1:13-14)) is indeed something to celebrate and praise Jesus for.  However, we should also celebrate and praise our Savior for the change He is working in us everyday by His Spirit.  Jesus purchased our entire salvation, including both justification and our progressive sanctification (Titus 2:11-14; Ephesians 5:25-27; etc…).  Therefore, everyday can and should be a happy day for the true Christian, both because of the everlasting benefits of the wonderful initial change of conversion and because of the ongoing change of sanctification that He is working in us everyday (I Thessalonians 5:23-24). 

Oh, happy day, oh, happy change!

Little Johnny hits little Billy right in the eye. (SMACK!)  Billy says, “Ouch!  What did you do that for?!?”  Johnny uncaringly says, “Cuz I wanted to.”  Billy says, “But it’s just plain mean and wrong to hit someone for no reason.”  Johnny flipantly replies, “I don’t care.”  What’s Johnny’s problem?  You might say that immorality is his problem.  He just needs his parents to discipline him and teach him some manners (i.e., morality).  But that is not entirely correct (or precise enough).

Later on that same day Billy and Tommy (one of Billy’s friends) see Johnny at the little league ballpark concession stand where he (unknowingly) drops a ten dollar bill.  Billy starts to alert Johnny about the money he dropped when Tommy stops him by saying, “What are you doing?  Don’t say anything about it.  Let’s let him walk away and then we can take it.”  Billy says, “No,… I don’t think that’d be right.”  Tommy reminds Billy that this is the same kid who, for no apprarent reason, gave him a black eye just hours ago.  ”Let’s take the money and buy some candy for ourselves.  Finders keepers.  Besides, he deserves it.”, says Tommy.  To which Billy responds, “No, Tommy.  That would be stealing.”  Tommy says, “But this is your chance to ’hit’ him back.”  Then Billy resolutely says, “Look, Tommy.  I don’t know about you, but taking that money would be wrong, and I ain’t gonna do it.  Besides, my mom and dad always told me to turn the other cheek.  So,… I’d rather do the right thing and not ‘hit’ him back.”  What’s Billy’s problem?  On the outside it looks like Billy is very moral, even Christ-like.  But perhaps, just perhaps there is something else besides Christ-like morality in Billy’s heart.  I haven’t given enough information here to discern Billy’s motivation and goal, but too many of us would be contentedly proud of both Billy and his parents merely for his moral behavior.  So let’s dig a little deeper.

Johnny’s parents didn’t teach him to act morally, nor did they discipline him when he acted immorally.  Billy’s parents, on the other hand, taught him to do good things, say kinds words, and to respond to people and circumstances with an upright character.  Both of these boys are in danger of being justly condemned to hell forever (Matthew 7:21-23).  There are not just two roads when it comes to teaching our kids morality.  There are three different things that we and our children become: Immoral (which comes by bad example, bad teaching, and by not teaching them rightly (“letting them make their own choices”)), Moral (which is Biblically appropriate and Christ-like living), and Moralistic (which is externally good behavior with a bad heart that stems from false or bad motives and/or inappropriate purposes).

You see, while the external behaviors matter, they are the overflow of internal motivations and desires (Matthew 15:18-19).  Maybe Billy is moral, but maybe he is moralistic.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he thinks that he’ll earn his way to heaven for doing good things.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he was a people-pleaser and desired to be praised by those around him.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he was scared that in his next life his Karma would get him.  The point is, we should not be satisfied with our kids doing right things, but rather we should only be satisfied with them doing right things from a right heart of humble faith in Jesus all for the glory of God.

So, should we teach our children to obey and do what is right?  Of course!  (See also Dr. John Piper’s article on teaching our kids to act morally).  We definitely do not want them to be immoral.  But we also should not want them to be moralistic (i.e., being good only on the outside, while inwardly they are wasting away).  We must teach our children to say, do, think, and respond morally, but never to trust in their morality.  We must teach them and pray for them and model for them true, Christ-like morality.  We must seek to reach their hearts, not just their behavior.  We must ask them probing heart-questions and talk to them about the WHY (both motivations and purposes) for their actions.  We must protect them from the disease of Phariseeism, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy.  We must teach them to be moral, not moralistic; for their everlasting destiny is at stake.

Consider with me that Christ has called us out of the world to live differently from the world.  Our sinful flesh says to lie, cheat, steal, kill, manipulate, control, worry, doubt, and fight to always avoid painful things and to gain pleasant things.  Following the nagging voices of the world, the flesh, and the devil will always be much easier than doing that which is best and right and Christ-exalting.

This is perhaps most commonly played out in our family relationships.  Husbands are called to lovingly lead their families as servants and examples with gentleness, understanding, and faithful consistency, but the sinful ways of either commanding and “lording over” their wives and children or disengaging with a kind of “just-forget-it” apathy are the easier ways out.  Wives are called to respectfully help and submit to their husbands, but the sinful ways of either stubbornly putting up a fight on everything and distrusting and discouraging your husband or not being open and honest and helpful with him are the much easier ways out.  And as parents, we are called by God to shepherd the hearts of our children, not just their behavior, but the sinful ways of either overbearingly controlling their behavior so as to just make them look good in public or wimpishly giving in to the every whine and manipulating tactic of our children are the easier ways out.

As Christians who have been called to “fight the good fight”, to “run the race with all endurance”, and to “never grow weary in doing good”, we must not give in to the easy way out.  If (since) our family and our Savior-King is worth it, we must strive to do the difficult work of life and relationships.  Unlike those outside of Christ, we have the hope, the help, and the joy that we need to keep on keeping on.  We know that if we do not give up, we will reap a reward that far outweighs any struggle or heartache that it takes to do the hard work in our relationships.

(This is a repost from last year, but for those who haven’t read it yet (and/or for those who want to be reminded of this… enjoy!)

While many parents are content with having their children believe in Santa Claus, there are still many other parents who wonder if it is right thing.  This post is meant to make you think about it perhaps more deeply and more Biblically/Theologically.

Despite the ambiguous and somewhat tainted origins of the warm, friendly, and even jolly Kris Kringle, this modernized mythological figure is in opposition to Christmas.  By, “Christmas”, here, it is meant the Christian and sanctified idea, apart from most of its own somewhat ambiguous and tainted history.  The word, “Christmas”, comes from two old words meaning, “to gather together to celebrate Christ(’s birth)”.  This is the idea that is meant here: The exalting of and exulting in Jesus the Christ, the only sinless Savior and supreme Lord, as being conceived supernaturally of the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin in order to display the greatness, grace, and glory of God!

This is what our modern idea of Santa Claus opposes.  It is not that the person of Santa Claus is bad, for he is not a real person; nor is it that the historical person of St. Nicholas is bad, upon whom some of the mythical figure of Santa Claus is based.  The issue is that the modern understanding of Santa Claus hinders, instead of helps the worship of Jesus on and around Christmas.

Some parents adhere to the notion that it is mere harmless fun to let their children play make-believe, especially with regards to such an innocent figure as Santa.  Most of their reasoning comes from their own experiences and delightful memories of believing in Jolly Old St. Nick.  They believed in the myth, and feel better, not worse for it.  Therefore, they reason that we lose some of the magical wonder of Christmas and the spirit of the season if kids do not believe in Santa Claus.

But I would offer three contending thoughts to this sort of reasoning:

1. If it makes children happy to believe in and focus on the mythical figure of Santa Claus, how much more true and lasting joy can they have if they believe in and focus on the real, historical, and eternal Person of Jesus Christ?  (Luke 2:8-20, esp. verses 10, 11, 18-20).

2. It may not be the intention of parents to lie to their children, but a lie consists of at least three parts: 1) False content, 2) Evil motivations, and/or 3) Negative consequences.  Now to be sure, I know of no parent who has ever told thier children to (or let their children) believe in Santa Claus out of evil motivations.  However, it is still false content and I would contend that it brings about the negative consequence of distracting from the real and only worthy One of Christmas.

3. Why would any Christian parent want to waste or even muddle such a rare and amazing opportunity to teach and witness to their children about Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas.  Santa Claus, and all that comes with him, is at best distracting people from Christ and at worst being exalted and exulted in, in addtion to, instead of, or above Jesus Christ.

Now each person, parent, and family must decide who or what will be the conscious and ever-growing focus of their house, especially on and around Christmas.  For Christians, whatever we do, we must make an intentional effort to keep the glorifying focus on Jesus Christ.  How will you do it?

“Some Practical Benefits, Reasons, and Purposes for Being Commited to Family Worship Even With Very Young Children”. 

What follows is a non-exhaustive list for parents of young children to consider.  Practicing consistent Family Worship with very young children (even toddlers and infants; which I have) will:

1. Establish a consistent pattern that carries on in your family and will always be with your children.

2. Give you the ability to train them to sit quietly and listen during family and corporate church worship services.

3. Familiarize your children with the things, words, and ways of worship.

4. Teach you how to be better, more patient, and creative teachers and leaders of worship for your children.

5. Teach and express that the Gospel and God and the Bible are not just for adults.

6. Solidify the importance of family worship in the home, since you are willing and commited to it even with the youngest of children.

7. Help you become more comfortable and open and free aobut worshipping the Lord together with your children and spouse.

8. Teach and express the value and love for your family, both to them and to others.

9. Honor God by integrating God and home (worshipping God together with your family in your home).

10. Answer for you when to start family worship.  (When is “older”?  When is “later?).

11. Encourage and equip you and your family for true worship at church, and therefore will strengthen congregational worship.

12. Provide for quiet, relaxing, focused, and purposefully Christ-centered time at home.

13. Help you accomplish and measure your obedience to bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4), to teach your children diligently the commands of God (Deut. 6:4-9), and to tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord (Ps. 78:1-8).

14. Teach and remind you that only God knows what an infant, toddler, or preschooler can understand, learn, retain, and benefit from.  (We certainly wouldn’t want our infants or toddlers hearing vulgar or blasphemous language.  Why not, if we are so “sure” that they can’t understand any of it?).

15. Remind you daily of both your responsibility with your children’s teaching, training, and direction for now and eternity as well as the weighty, important, and urgent need that your children have to hear, understand, and believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ so as to worship Him alone!

The Holy Spirit enlightened my mind last night through my wife.

Whenever my wife and I have a “big” or “serious” argument, which is quite rare for us, she tends to be more emotional and therefore aggressive.  She is hurt and/or feels an injustice has taken place, which leads to her anger.  Her anger leads to her emotionally charged words directed at me.  Her goal is to make me feel the pain or frustration that she feels (to a lesser degree, an equal degree, or a greater degree).  She is aggressive in her attempt to achieve this.

I, on the other hand, am more of a “thinker” than a “feeler”.  I tend to be more reserved and calm in my approach.  Often what happens, however, is that I let her angry words produce anger in me, and I respond accordingly.  I have always blamed her for this, since I am the one who is seeking to be calm and use less emotionally charged words (at least initially).

But, becasue of God’s gracious answer to my prayer for wisdom and insight, I learned something last night.  I learned that we have the same goal in an argument.  I am hurt or feel an injustice has occurred for which I am angry and I want her to feel the weight of her sin against me.  I want her to feel the pain that I feel for what she said, did, or didn’t do to me (to a lesser, equal, or greater degree).

Just because I don’t pursue that end aggressively (at least not at first), does not mean that I’m not pursuing it.  I tend to be passive-aggressive; that is, I seek the same thing she seeks (pain for the other person) in a calm, cool, and collected way.  She comes barging in the front door, whereas I come sneaking in the back door.  Both of us seeking to accomplish the same thing.

I have been ignorantly arrogant and self-deceived about this for a long time (Jeremiah 17:9-10).  I always try to get her to leave her emotions out of the argument, as if my passive-aggressive way of achieving a wicked end is better than her aggressive way.  The problem is not so much the mode of operation, but the intended goal of our operations.  It is sinful to seek to hurt another person, especially one’s own spouse (Ephesians 5:15-33; I Peter 3:1-7), no matter what the approach may be.

What makes this so evil for me is that not only do I seek the same sinful end as she, namely, to make the other person feel the same pain we feel, and not only do I often revert to the aggressive method of achieving this end (using harsh words and childish gestures and mean faces), but I also seek to make her feel worse about being the main and/or first aggressive one and myself feel better about being the passive-aggressive one.

For these sins (of purposefully seeking to hurt my wife with my mean and mean-spirited words, of dishonoring my wife and more than that, the God who gave her to me, and of my self-deceiving arrogance), I repent with a heavy and sad heart, humbled in my shame and guilt.  I fall at the feet of Jesus, my (the only) Savior, yet once again, calling out to Him in faith for mercy to cleanse me, save me, forgive me, and change me for His glory.

But his use of the emphatic negative echoes the Apostle Paul as he quotes from Psalms 14 and 53 in Romans 3:10 — “… no, not…”

10 as it is written: ‘None is righteous, no, not one;

11 no one understands; no one seeks for God.

12 All have turned aside; together they have become worhless;

no one does good, not even one.’”

So, everytime my son tells me, “No, not.”, I think of how desperately we ALL need the righteousness of Jesus Christ and His substitionary death, for there is none righteous besides Him,…

No, Not one.

My 5 month old can’t talk.  He is learning to sit up and scoot around, and he knows our voices and faces, but still communication is ultra-limited.  What can I possibly do to give him an understanding of the Gospel?  My 20 month old can only say a couple dozen words.  He is learning colors, shapes, and letters, but he can’t even read, “See Spot Run”, much less the Holy Scriptures.  They have not the ability to understand 2+2=4, so what hope is there in their understanding the propitiation of Jesus Christ (I John 4:10).  How could we practically give the Gospel to our children when they are so young?

 The following ideas are some practical thoughts on how to be Gospel-centered parents with toddlers and infants:

1. Pray for them and with them, regularly.  (Seek to be as comfortable as possible now, praying out loud with and for your children.  Don’t wait until they’re older.)

2. Do Family Worship with them everyday.  (Look for a future post on the purposes, benefits, and reasons for doing family worship with your very young children.  But for now just remember that it is never too early for them to see and hear you reading the Word, praying fervantly, and worshiping the Lord sincerely.)

3. Take them to your church services with you every week.  (My wife and I keep our children with us during the worship services.  The younger you start this, the easier it will be to help them sit still and pay attention when they are older.)

4. Tell them the Gospel and the stories of the Bible often (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).  (Only God really knows what they get out of it.  Besides you wouldn’t let your toddlers or infants listen to profanities or watch violence or other vulgarity.  Why not?  Because we are worried how it might affect them.  Why not give them the eternal truth of God’s Word, even if we are “sure” they get nothing out of it.)

5. Read the Bible and other Christ-centered children’s books to them.  (The Jesus Storybook Bible, The Big Picture Story Bible, and R.C. Sproul’s children’s books are some good places to start.)

6. Live out the faith and grace of the Gospel everyday.  (We must begin with modeling the Gospel.  It is never too early to start doing this.  Besides, we should be doing this anyway.)

7. Sing Gospel hymns and songs around your children.  (Just going throughout your day, let the joy of knowing Christ overflow in songs of praise to Him.  Songs are a great way to teach Bible doctrine, especially the Gospel.)

8. Learn and think about the Gospel as much as you can.  (Seeking to have the Gospel front and center of our thinking will always serve to help us live it and share it with clarity and passion.  Read Dr. John Piper’s message to his family about seeking to have the Gospel always enlarging in their hearts. A good idea is to read a new blog post from Of First Importance everyday and meditate on it.  )

9. Discipline your children, if they are old enough, in order to get them to the point of listening to the Gospel (our 20 month old is old enough for this, but our 5 month old is not).  (I have always felt as if I wasn’t reaching the heart of my toddler when I would swat him and tell him why he was in trouble.  But two things struck me about this: 1. Proverbs 22:6, 15 and 23:13-14 teach that discipline is not just law, but it is also Gospel-love.  Our children need to hear the Gospel, but they won’t hear it from us if we fail to give them the discipline they need.  It is a lie that discipline is only law.  Our children must know that there is justice and righteousness, and we must show them acceptance and forgiveness based on that justice and righteousness.  We must give them categories for understanding the Gospel and we must seek to give them humble and teachable hearts.  This is Gospel-love.   This is Gospel-centered parenting, and this is done, in part, through discipline.  And 2. My understanding of this was confirmed and deepened by listening to a short audio clip of C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney talking about Gospel-Centered Parenting + Young Children).

This list is by no means exhaustive, nor is it restricted to toddlers and infants, nor is it that complicated or deep, but it is my prayer that it will be an encouragement for you to be an ever-growing Gospel-centered parent with your little ones.

1. Because there are some very learned and devout Christians  with sincere hearts of love for Jesus and their children, who are asking this question.

2. Because most of the Christians who assume that the answer to the above question is an obvious, “Yes.”, really have not thought through it enough and are thus not adequately prepared to answer those who question them about it AND also are not as passionate as they could be about teaching their children to pray.

Before we answer the question of, “Should we teach our children to pray?”, I think most of us need to ask why this is even a question.  The argument for not teaching our children, before we are sure they are genuine Believers, to pray goes something like this:

– Since the Bible is clear that praying with insincerity and without faith is wrong (Matthew 6:5-8; Romans 14:23 and Hebrews 11:6), and

– Since the Bible is clear that God will not listen to the prayers of those living in sin (Proverbs 15:8, 29; 28:9; Isaiah 1:12-17; Jeremiah 11:11, 14), and

– Since unbelieving children are living in sin, without faith, and have a heart of insincerity,

– Therefore, it is not right to teach them to pray to God.

Those who adhere to this, argue that there are dangerous consequences for teaching an unbelieving child to pray to God:

– It is dishonoring to God (Mark 7:1-13).

– It is, at best, giving our children the opportunity for having a false sense of security of their salvation (Isaiah 29:13; Jeremiah 6:14; Matthew 7:21-23; Ezekiel 13).

– And it is, at worst, leading our children to sin against the Holy God, because all unbelievers (including children of believers) who pray without faith are sinning (See the above references under the first bullet point).

Now we can get back to answering the question, with an understanding of why it is asked:

First, I think it is a good reminder for us that Jesus taught His disciples how to pray by giving them many examples and even a model prayer to pray in Luke 11:1-13 and Matthew 6:5-13.  Whether from parents, John the Baptist, or Jesus Himself, teaching others to pray is good.  (Side Note: Not a huge point, but it is interesting that Jesus taught His disciples, including Judas, to pray.)

Second, the passages about God not receiving the prayers of certain people are not necessarily restricted to unbelievers (See also I Peter 3:7 and Matthew 5:23-24 and Mark 11:25 and James 4:2b-3).

Third, there is one prayer for sure that God hears on behalf of every person, and that is the prayer of repentance (Romans 10:12-13).  So, shouldn’t we be teaching our children about God, about His Gospel, and about praying prayers of faith-filled repentance, calling out to Jesus to save them?

Fourth, Cornelius, in Acts 10, was not a Believer in Jesus Christ, but he prayed continually (Acts 10:2) and God heard and answered his prayers (Acts 10:4).

Fifth, children are conceived in sin (Job 14:4; 15:14; Psalm 51:5; 58:3; Isaiah 48:8; Romans 5:12, 19; Ephesians 2:3), and thus everything they are and do is without faith in Jesus Christ, insincere with regard to goodness, and therefore sinful.  So while it is not and should not be the goal of parents for their children to pray with insincerity and without faith, and indeed, we as parents must teach our children to pray with faith and knowledge and sincerity, the question must be asked, “Is it better for them to be taught to pray to God asking Him to forgive their sin because of Jesus, or maybe just asking Him to change their hearts, give them understanding, and grant them faith, or is it better for them to not be taught to pray because they are sinful unbelievers?”

Sixth, we don’t always know when our children understand and believe the truth of the Gospel, especially if we are teaching them from their earliest days.  While we should do our very best to keep our children from trusting in some experience or prayer or emotional state for the assurance of their salvation, it would be a grave injustice for us to hinder our children from praying if they are truly children of God (Matthew 18:1-6)!  And thus much care should be taken here.  Giving our children serious warnings about coming to God only with sincerity and faith in Jesus (which is a good thing to do) is still a far cry from not teaching, or not encouraging, or discouraging, or even not allowing our children to pray.

Seventh, if we have an 18 month or even a 3 year old who repeats a cuss word that they heard somewhere, we would not spank them for it.  Why?  Because they are not saying it with knowledge and sincerity.  But we would still teach them to not say it.  Why would we do this if they weren’t sincere about it?  Because it is a bad word, regardless, and we do not want them having a bad vocabulary even if the words are meaningless to them.  Accordingly, we teach our children to say, “Please.”, “Thank you.”, “You’re welcome.”, and even “I love you.”, well before they can say it with understanding and sincerity.  But we teach them to say good things and teach them not to say bad things.  In the same way, we teach, encourage, and even command them to do good things even when we know that they do not want to and are doing it out of genuine love.  Obedient behavior is not honoring to parents or to God (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1-3) if it is void of sincerity and love, but we still teach, encourage, and demand them to do submit to our authority by doing what we say.  Of course, we must still teach them to obey rightly, from a pure heart of love for us and faith in Jesus, but we would never dare discourage or command them to do bad things and not to do the good things we tell them to do.  Both in behavior and in speech we parents should teach, encourage, equip, and command our children to do that which is right with a right heart.  But even when their hearts are not right, they still should do that which is right.  We teach our children a good vocabulary before (and so that) we can teach them the good meaning and concepts of those words later.  And we teach them the good concepts (often before, and) so that we can teach them to say the good words with understanding and sincerity from the heart.  And praying to God is a very good thing.  Our children would have a great cause to be angry with us if we do not teach them to trust in, love, and pray to the God who created them out of His good pleasure.  It is to their benefit that we teach them to pray.  (See also, John Piper’s answer to this question.)

So, let us not confuse our children or give them a false sense of a security of their salvation, but let us also not deprive them or hinder them from coming to Jesus (Matthew 11:25-30; 19:13-15).  Let us, instead, take seriously the call to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (including instructing them to pray to Him) (Ephesians 6:4).

…Fight For It!

We all know people who, although they grew up in good Christian homes, do not know, trust in, or love Jesus today.  To them, the Gospel is now nothing more than a story; a history lesson; or merely “church talk” that they grew up with.

We should never assume that just because our kids are growing up in a Christian home (maybe even a more distinctly and passionate and Biblical Christian home than we did), that they will inherit eternal life.  We must fight with prayer and the Word, daily!  We must be burdened by the weight of their eternal destiny.  We must be seriously intentional about giving our children the Gospel, so as to point them to, show them, and give them a thirst for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

But let us not trust in our means of fighting for their Lives: being good Christian examples, praying with faithful fervancy, instructing and disciplining with the Word of Life, taking our family to church every week, doing family worship, and so on.  We must do these things, but only because we trust in our sovereign Savior of grace to draw them, change them, and save them to the uttermost.

Read Dr. John Piper’s similar word in blog post on An Encouragement and Precaution to Parents.  And remember, Don’t Assume Life… Fight For It!