If anything really serious required to be punished, he retired first to his “closet” for prayer, and we boys got to understand that he was laying the whole matter before God; and that was the severest part of the punishment for me to bear! I could have defied any amount of mere penalty, but this spoke to my conscience as a message from God.

We loved him all the more, when we saw how much it cost him to punish us; and, in truth, he had never very much of that kind of work to do upon any one of all the eleven—we were ruled by love far more than by fear. (John G. Paton: Missionary to the New Hebrides, p.17, paragraphing added)

(RT: Tyler Kenney at Desiring God)

Here is a new study by the Kaiser Family Foundation on the online lives of children and teenagers, finding stunning statistics like this: “Eight-to-eighteen-year-olds spend more time with media than in any other activity besides (maybe) sleeping—an average of more than 7 1/2 hours a day, seven days a week.” The report goes on to say that due to multi-tasking, the average kid actually consumes 11 hours of media in that 7.5 hour time frame.

Albert Mohler has a summary and some reflections. Here is his conclusion:

We cannot simply accept that constant media saturation is now a fact of nature and a matter of constant need. These technologies and devices have their places, but the role of parents is to establish rules that protect children and teenagers from being dominated by technology and an army of digital devices. At the end of the day, parents must find the courage and wisdom to know when to disconnect.

(RT: JT)

In his recent sermons on Jude, C.J. spoke about the tendency of Christians to have an inaccurate view of God the Father and to have “hard thoughts about God.” In the first message C.J. said, “I have interacted with many Christians over the years who are not certain of God’s love for them. They can be reluctant to admit it, but they aren’t convinced in their heart and mind that God loves them. In light of their sin and the holiness of God they wonder whether God does indeed love them.” After the message C.J. received an email from a father who fears that he is unintentionally introducing to his children these hard thoughts about God. He wants to know what to do to model the grace and love of God to his children.

 Here is the email exchange between C.J. and John (not his real name).

Hi, C.J.— Thanks for your message from Jude on Sunday. It is always a privilege to hear God’s Word through you. I am reminded of His grace to me through the truths preached by you over decades now. When you noted how we often have hard thoughts of God and fail to appreciate His initiating love, I immediately thought of my example and communication about God to my kids. And when you asked at the end, “What are you most worried about?”, I think it is that I will hinder my children from knowing that God not only rightly expects their obedience and submission—a bar they cannot possibly reach—but also that he loves them as a Father so deeply that He sent His son for them. I am afraid they do have hard thoughts of God and that’s largely because of my own sinfulness (anger, impatience, anxiety), which I am eager to continue killing by the Spirit. But apart from that, the question I have is, how do we as parents insist that our children obey us in the Lord without cultivating hard thoughts of Him? Grateful for any thoughts you would have on this.

John

John, This a great question that I can’t possibly cover fully in one email. But here are a few thoughts that I hope are helpful.

1. You have the privilege of introducing them to God the Father and describing the ways in which he is different from you, different from all sinful fathers, and how in any way you are like him it’s only because of grace that you reflect him. See Luke 11:11–13.
2. Your honest confession of your sin to your children will protect them from having hard thoughts about you or God.
3. Communicating your affection for them—and joy when you are with them—promotes both good and accurate thoughts about God. Initiate time with them at both planned and spontaneous times.
4. Don’t leave them with the impression that they get most of your attention when they disobey. Let them know you are so grateful for them and love being with them as much as possible.
5. Bless your children with many gifts in many forms! See Luke 11 again. Study your children in order to discern what gifts would genuinely bless them and then purpose to surprise them as often as possible.
6. Requiring appropriate obedience does not promote hard thoughts about God. This only happens when we do so in self-righteousness or anger. See point 2 again.
7. Frequently preach the gospel to them (and not at them). Reveal to your children just how far God has gone to show his love for sinners like us.

My friend, if you follow the example of our gracious God, your children will not have hard thoughts about him. They will have accurate thoughts about him—and a deep love for you. I hope these brief thoughts help, John.

C.J.

(RT: Tony Reinke)

Fathers are named specifically in Ephesians 6:4 and have an especially prominent role in shaping the minds and hearts of their children in accord with the Lord¹s instruction. And part of that instruction is the Lord’s truth about racial differences and how we should think and feel and act about them.

Here are 8 ways (among other possible ways) for moms and dads to help their children to love people who are different from them:

1.Help the children believe in God¹s sovereign wisdom and goodness in creating them with the body that they have.

2.Help the children believe in God’s sovereign wisdom and goodness in making other people with the body that they have.

3.Help the children believe that they and all other children and adults are made in God’s image.

4.Teach the children that God tells us to do to others as we would like others to do to us.

5.Teach the children and model for them that their own sin is uglier than anybody they think is physically unattractive.

6.Teach the children that God loves them in spite of the ugliness of their sin and that he proved this by sending his Son to die for our sins and give forgiveness to all who would trust him.

7.Teach the children that because Jesus died for them and rose again, he becomes for them an all-satisfying Friend and Treasure.

8.Teach the children to love others who are different from them, not in order to be accepted by God, but because they already are accepted by God because of Jesus.
It is the power of God in the gospel that is the power to love people different from ourselves. This is the key we give to our children, and the key to daily life as parents.

(RT: Desiring God)

But the truth is that homemaking involves so much more than just cleaning a house. The commands in Scripture to love, follow, and help a husband; to raise children for the glory of God; and to manage a home encompass a vast responsibility. Homemaking requires an extremely diverse array of skills—everything from management abilities, to knowledge of health and nutrition, to interior decorating capabilities, to childhood development expertise. If you are to become an effective homemaker, then you must study these subjects and many more.

It turns out that, in God’s plan, the home is the University and mom is the Professor of this all-encompassing subject. The whole article is wise and helpful.

(HT: John Piper at Desiring God)

(This is a repost from last year, but for those who haven’t read it yet (and/or for those who want to be reminded of this… enjoy!)

While many parents are content with having their children believe in Santa Claus, there are still many other parents who wonder if it is right thing.  This post is meant to make you think about it perhaps more deeply and more Biblically/Theologically.

Despite the ambiguous and somewhat tainted origins of the warm, friendly, and even jolly Kris Kringle, this modernized mythological figure is in opposition to Christmas.  By, “Christmas”, here, it is meant the Christian and sanctified idea, apart from most of its own somewhat ambiguous and tainted history.  The word, “Christmas”, comes from two old words meaning, “to gather together to celebrate Christ(’s birth)”.  This is the idea that is meant here: The exalting of and exulting in Jesus the Christ, the only sinless Savior and supreme Lord, as being conceived supernaturally of the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin in order to display the greatness, grace, and glory of God!

This is what our modern idea of Santa Claus opposes.  It is not that the person of Santa Claus is bad, for he is not a real person; nor is it that the historical person of St. Nicholas is bad, upon whom some of the mythical figure of Santa Claus is based.  The issue is that the modern understanding of Santa Claus hinders, instead of helps the worship of Jesus on and around Christmas.

Some parents adhere to the notion that it is mere harmless fun to let their children play make-believe, especially with regards to such an innocent figure as Santa.  Most of their reasoning comes from their own experiences and delightful memories of believing in Jolly Old St. Nick.  They believed in the myth, and feel better, not worse for it.  Therefore, they reason that we lose some of the magical wonder of Christmas and the spirit of the season if kids do not believe in Santa Claus.

But I would offer three contending thoughts to this sort of reasoning:

1. If it makes children happy to believe in and focus on the mythical figure of Santa Claus, how much more true and lasting joy can they have if they believe in and focus on the real, historical, and eternal Person of Jesus Christ?  (Luke 2:8-20, esp. verses 10, 11, 18-20).

2. It may not be the intention of parents to lie to their children, but a lie consists of at least three parts: 1) False content, 2) Evil motivations, and/or 3) Negative consequences.  Now to be sure, I know of no parent who has ever told thier children to (or let their children) believe in Santa Claus out of evil motivations.  However, it is still false content and I would contend that it brings about the negative consequence of distracting from the real and only worthy One of Christmas.

3. Why would any Christian parent want to waste or even muddle such a rare and amazing opportunity to teach and witness to their children about Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas.  Santa Claus, and all that comes with him, is at best distracting people from Christ and at worst being exalted and exulted in, in addtion to, instead of, or above Jesus Christ.

Now each person, parent, and family must decide who or what will be the conscious and ever-growing focus of their house, especially on and around Christmas.  For Christians, whatever we do, we must make an intentional effort to keep the glorifying focus on Jesus Christ.  How will you do it?

…Fight For It!

We all know people who, although they grew up in good Christian homes, do not know, trust in, or love Jesus today.  To them, the Gospel is now nothing more than a story; a history lesson; or merely “church talk” that they grew up with.

We should never assume that just because our kids are growing up in a Christian home (maybe even a more distinctly and passionate and Biblical Christian home than we did), that they will inherit eternal life.  We must fight with prayer and the Word, daily!  We must be burdened by the weight of their eternal destiny.  We must be seriously intentional about giving our children the Gospel, so as to point them to, show them, and give them a thirst for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

But let us not trust in our means of fighting for their Lives: being good Christian examples, praying with faithful fervancy, instructing and disciplining with the Word of Life, taking our family to church every week, doing family worship, and so on.  We must do these things, but only because we trust in our sovereign Savior of grace to draw them, change them, and save them to the uttermost.

Read Dr. John Piper’s similar word in blog post on An Encouragement and Precaution to Parents.  And remember, Don’t Assume Life… Fight For It!

pansy – a weak or effeminate man or boy…

The definition I’m using here is not the part about being effeminate, because I believe there are many men who squander their families money and are not effeminate.  They buy manly things like paint ball guns, 4wheelers, car stereos, and iPhones.  None of these things are bad… In fact, I have several guns and a nice cell phone.  The point isn’t what they purchase, but when and how they purchase it.  If you prioritize big boy toyz over being in bondage to debt, you are a weak man (or boy), and you must strengthen your resolve for leading your families finances.

We live in a culture that is in dire financial straights.  The Consumer Reports Money Book states that the average household debt in America is more than $38,000.  If this isn’t startling, consider this: the ‘normal’ American family has $8,367 in credit card debt that they carry from month to month.  On average, these families are paying 18.3 percent in interest on that balance each month.  A few short steps in quick math will tell us that pansies who lead their families this way will expect to pay $1,000 in interest each year.

Have I offended you yet? Are you ticked at me because I’m calling some of you reading this a pansy? Honestly, I hope you do get offended.  In my life, there has been little changes in the areas of my weaknesses until I’ve been sufficiently angered about my current pattern of living.  Two years ago I realized that I was 40 pounds overweight.  In regards to my eating, I had become a typical American.  I was eating more than what my body required to satisfy my stomach and fulfill my gluttonous lust.  It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror one day and was sufficiently convicted that I began the process of glorifying God through healthy eating and exercise.  Over the course of the 4 months following that memorable day in the mirror, I lost 40 pounds and ran several half marathons to keep in shape.

I’m not writing to evoke emotion alone, but to rather challenge men, fathers, and husbands to stop being so weak in your resolve for Christian living.  Counter to what the culture may represent, it is not ‘Christian’ to be gluttonous, perverted, impatient, selfish, hateful, or envious (Gal 5).   To be a man is to trust in Christ as your only hope against the plight of our flesh, and stand firm against the temptations of becoming a nominal American male pansy.

I recently finished a book by Dave Ramsey called ‘Financial Peace’.  In his book, he gives 7 simple steps to overcoming debt and living in financial freedom.  If you are burdened down by your current financial position, I recommend this book for educating yourself on manly financial stewardship.  No longer should we be satisfied with the cultural norm of living in bondage to debt.  Rise up Christian men and stop being financial pansies.

But the Day of Judgment takes a lifetime of preparation. And it starts from birth, or before. One may ask, “How can someone be preparing for Judgment Day (or anything) before they can talk or even before they are born?” That’s just it…, they don’t. But that does not mean preparation doesn’t or shouldn’t happen.

This is why God has given children their parents, as their preparers. As C. J. Mahaney put it in his book, Humility: The True Greatness (Pg. 158),

All parenting is ultimately a preparation for that day when your child will stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account.”

I couldn’t agree more. No matter what our kids end up doing for a career, or where they go to college, or even who they marry, if they are not prepared for THE DAY, then all is lost.

The only thing I would add, if I may be so bold, is to say that parenting is, as far as it lays on the parents, all about preparing their children AND being prepared themselves to stand before God when they must give an account for how they spent their time and energy and focus on preparing their children.

Although specifically speaking about leaders in the Church, Hebrews 13:17 applies also to and makes it clear that parents must give an account for their care of the souls under them:

…they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.”

I conclude with the ending of an excellent article on restoring the family, “The Heart of Family Reformation“, by Jim Elliff:

Judgment Day

Puritan Richard Mather (1596-1669),… once imagined children on judgment day, speaking to their parents. His words will serve as a final sober warning that we must be more diligent to care the for the souls of our children:

All this that we here suffer is through you. You should have taught us the things of God, and did not. You should have restrained us from sin and correct us, and you did not. You were the means of our original corruption and guiltiness, and yet you never showed any competent care that we might be delivered from it. Woe unto us that we had such carnal and careless parents; and woe unto you that you had no more compassion and pity to prevent the everlasting misery of your own children.”

Oh that we would pray earnestly to feel the everlasting weight of this!

Since that day, I’ve been spinning that phrase around in my head and wondering just what sort of ‘home face’ I have and what the family members in my household would say about my countenance and presence when I’m at home. I think every spiritual leader of a household needs to reflect on and recognize with humility the influence they have over the home, not only through their own actions, but also through their countenance, presence, attitude and demeanor. The effects of this are far reaching, as you might imagine. How is my ‘home face’ when I arise in the morning? Is it set on Christ or on the pains of the day? Does my family see my face in the morning? As I come home into my house after a day’s work where God has provided, do I see it that way and does my face look that way? Or rather, is my face and spirit downcast because of my perceived misery in my cushy job?

How is my face to the outside world? Meeting and greeting friends, entertaining, working, going to church, what do those people see? Do they see a whitewashed tomb? Something that is white and clean and perfect on the outside and yet dead and decaying on the inside? When I come home and things have been “rough” at work (I seriously doubt sometimes that the majority of us here in America know what ‘rough’ really means) do my children see a man with a face defeated or a face of a man whose hope is in Christ Jesus who died to satisfy God’s wrath set aside for my sin?

I’m ashamed that there are far too few times I am that last man described. But sometimes I am worse, because the initial greeting is joyful and jovial, but moments go by and sometimes things darken as I think about the things ahead and they overwhelm my thoughts or take me down because I have taken my eyes off my Savior and put them on things of less value or less importance and essentially made them into something to fear or worry about.

As parents, we are always teaching, intentionally or unintentionally. Our children are always watching us, looking to us, reflecting us. You hear it in their speech, in their play, in their joy, in their anger. Throughout the Bible we are called to teach and bring up our children and to impart to them the things of God. We see this in Deuteronomy 6, Psalm 78, and in Jesus as He warns against anyone hindering a child in coming to Him. We are called to teach them to put their hope in Him and His work and His salvation. And yet, if that is not where OUR hope is, they will see right through it. Then unknowingly they will be tempted to follow that which they see and not that which we meant for them to learn from our active teachings. We tend to think about the ways that we are actively teaching our children, whether it be Bible knowledge, Godly character, Bible memorization, prayer, praise, or worship. But we fail to see that we are always teaching because they are always watching. It is not we who will save our children, for only God can do that, but we are a vessel of Grace that the Lord uses to teach and bring our children to Himself. This is an incredible miracle; that He would welcome broken sinners into His work.

Another thought on the ‘home face’ we have in our households that only our families see: For those of us with spouses, how is our ‘home face’ to them? And for those of us with both spouses and children, think how much impact and influence we possess in our times at home. For our actions and countenance at home with our spouses and our children sends waves into the future. The way that I treat my wife at home is impacting how my daughters will view men that they might consider for a husband. Likewise, the way that I love and cherish my wife (or not) is shaping the way that my son will look at and treat women and it will impact how he acts in his marriage and how he treats his wife. And the way that I treat my daughter or son at home is shaping how they will then go forward into the future and treat their own children. Will our children repeat a cycle of parenting in relational sin or will they break a cycle of messed up parenting by God’s grace? We, as parent, are a piece of what God uses to impart that grace.
The greatest two commandments, we are told by Jesus in Matthew 22:37-39, is,

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

I contend, here, that our closest neighbor would be our immediate family, and the first of those, our spouse, and then our children. They do not mysteriously sit outside this commandment as people we can mistreat or withhold grace from. We must actively love them as we would love ourselves. But without first truly loving God, fearing God, and hoping in God and the work that Christ accomplished on the Cross, we will have nothing but a downcast ‘home-face’ and a lack of hope with which to lead our family. We must constantly return, again and again, reminding ourselves that our hope is in Christ and His work and not ourselves and not in the things of this world. Then with that knowledge and our face turned towards heaven, we can share that same hope with our family. May God have mercy and grace on our homes and may He shine through our faces.