My two and a half year old loves to sing.  Absolutely loves it.  However, he doesn’t always get the words right; or does he?

As we’ve been singing songs of praise and worship to God during our family worship times at night, one of the songs we have been teaching our boys is, “Happy Day”, by Tim Hughes.  The chorus goes like this,

“Oh, happy day, happy day

You washed my sin away

Oh, happy day, happy day

I’ll never be the same

Forever I am changed.”

Well, my son got mixed up a few times and starting singing, “Oh, happy change, happy change.”  This made me think about all of the people who say that they are saved, but who have no evidence of truly being changed or changing because of Jesus’ life, death, burial, resurrection, ascension, and imminent return.  The initial change: the conversion (the transfer from death to life and from darkness to light (Colossians 1:13-14)) is indeed something to celebrate and praise Jesus for.  However, we should also celebrate and praise our Savior for the change He is working in us everyday by His Spirit.  Jesus purchased our entire salvation, including both justification and our progressive sanctification (Titus 2:11-14; Ephesians 5:25-27; etc…).  Therefore, everyday can and should be a happy day for the true Christian, both because of the everlasting benefits of the wonderful initial change of conversion and because of the ongoing change of sanctification that He is working in us everyday (I Thessalonians 5:23-24). 

Oh, happy day, oh, happy change!

In his recent sermons on Jude, C.J. spoke about the tendency of Christians to have an inaccurate view of God the Father and to have “hard thoughts about God.” In the first message C.J. said, “I have interacted with many Christians over the years who are not certain of God’s love for them. They can be reluctant to admit it, but they aren’t convinced in their heart and mind that God loves them. In light of their sin and the holiness of God they wonder whether God does indeed love them.” After the message C.J. received an email from a father who fears that he is unintentionally introducing to his children these hard thoughts about God. He wants to know what to do to model the grace and love of God to his children.

 Here is the email exchange between C.J. and John (not his real name).

Hi, C.J.— Thanks for your message from Jude on Sunday. It is always a privilege to hear God’s Word through you. I am reminded of His grace to me through the truths preached by you over decades now. When you noted how we often have hard thoughts of God and fail to appreciate His initiating love, I immediately thought of my example and communication about God to my kids. And when you asked at the end, “What are you most worried about?”, I think it is that I will hinder my children from knowing that God not only rightly expects their obedience and submission—a bar they cannot possibly reach—but also that he loves them as a Father so deeply that He sent His son for them. I am afraid they do have hard thoughts of God and that’s largely because of my own sinfulness (anger, impatience, anxiety), which I am eager to continue killing by the Spirit. But apart from that, the question I have is, how do we as parents insist that our children obey us in the Lord without cultivating hard thoughts of Him? Grateful for any thoughts you would have on this.

John

John, This a great question that I can’t possibly cover fully in one email. But here are a few thoughts that I hope are helpful.

1. You have the privilege of introducing them to God the Father and describing the ways in which he is different from you, different from all sinful fathers, and how in any way you are like him it’s only because of grace that you reflect him. See Luke 11:11–13.
2. Your honest confession of your sin to your children will protect them from having hard thoughts about you or God.
3. Communicating your affection for them—and joy when you are with them—promotes both good and accurate thoughts about God. Initiate time with them at both planned and spontaneous times.
4. Don’t leave them with the impression that they get most of your attention when they disobey. Let them know you are so grateful for them and love being with them as much as possible.
5. Bless your children with many gifts in many forms! See Luke 11 again. Study your children in order to discern what gifts would genuinely bless them and then purpose to surprise them as often as possible.
6. Requiring appropriate obedience does not promote hard thoughts about God. This only happens when we do so in self-righteousness or anger. See point 2 again.
7. Frequently preach the gospel to them (and not at them). Reveal to your children just how far God has gone to show his love for sinners like us.

My friend, if you follow the example of our gracious God, your children will not have hard thoughts about him. They will have accurate thoughts about him—and a deep love for you. I hope these brief thoughts help, John.

C.J.

(RT: Tony Reinke)

(This is a repost from last year, but for those who haven’t read it yet (and/or for those who want to be reminded of this… enjoy!)

While many parents are content with having their children believe in Santa Claus, there are still many other parents who wonder if it is right thing.  This post is meant to make you think about it perhaps more deeply and more Biblically/Theologically.

Despite the ambiguous and somewhat tainted origins of the warm, friendly, and even jolly Kris Kringle, this modernized mythological figure is in opposition to Christmas.  By, “Christmas”, here, it is meant the Christian and sanctified idea, apart from most of its own somewhat ambiguous and tainted history.  The word, “Christmas”, comes from two old words meaning, “to gather together to celebrate Christ(’s birth)”.  This is the idea that is meant here: The exalting of and exulting in Jesus the Christ, the only sinless Savior and supreme Lord, as being conceived supernaturally of the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin in order to display the greatness, grace, and glory of God!

This is what our modern idea of Santa Claus opposes.  It is not that the person of Santa Claus is bad, for he is not a real person; nor is it that the historical person of St. Nicholas is bad, upon whom some of the mythical figure of Santa Claus is based.  The issue is that the modern understanding of Santa Claus hinders, instead of helps the worship of Jesus on and around Christmas.

Some parents adhere to the notion that it is mere harmless fun to let their children play make-believe, especially with regards to such an innocent figure as Santa.  Most of their reasoning comes from their own experiences and delightful memories of believing in Jolly Old St. Nick.  They believed in the myth, and feel better, not worse for it.  Therefore, they reason that we lose some of the magical wonder of Christmas and the spirit of the season if kids do not believe in Santa Claus.

But I would offer three contending thoughts to this sort of reasoning:

1. If it makes children happy to believe in and focus on the mythical figure of Santa Claus, how much more true and lasting joy can they have if they believe in and focus on the real, historical, and eternal Person of Jesus Christ?  (Luke 2:8-20, esp. verses 10, 11, 18-20).

2. It may not be the intention of parents to lie to their children, but a lie consists of at least three parts: 1) False content, 2) Evil motivations, and/or 3) Negative consequences.  Now to be sure, I know of no parent who has ever told thier children to (or let their children) believe in Santa Claus out of evil motivations.  However, it is still false content and I would contend that it brings about the negative consequence of distracting from the real and only worthy One of Christmas.

3. Why would any Christian parent want to waste or even muddle such a rare and amazing opportunity to teach and witness to their children about Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas.  Santa Claus, and all that comes with him, is at best distracting people from Christ and at worst being exalted and exulted in, in addtion to, instead of, or above Jesus Christ.

Now each person, parent, and family must decide who or what will be the conscious and ever-growing focus of their house, especially on and around Christmas.  For Christians, whatever we do, we must make an intentional effort to keep the glorifying focus on Jesus Christ.  How will you do it?

If Jesus’ body was still lying lifeless in the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea; if we only had Good Friday, but not Easter/Resurrection Sunday; if He never rose from the dead, then…

1. You shouldn’t come to FamilyCamp, because we’ve got nothing to preach that matters (I Corinthians 15:14).

2. The Bible should not be trusted for this life or the life to come (John 2:22).

3. Jesus would be nothing more than a dead deceiver (John 2:18-22; Matthew 27:39-44, 62-66).

4. Good Friday wouldn’t be good at all (Matthew 27:45-50; Luke 24:13-21).

5. Our faith would be meaningless (I Corinthians 15:14).

6. In fact, our faith would be worse than worthless; it would be harmful (I Corinthians 15:14-15).

7. Death would be the end.  The dark and empty end (I Corinthians 15:16).

8. In fact, we would still be in sin, under the wrath of God, and death for all would mean eternity in hell (I Corinthians 15:17-18).

9. As those who trust in, love, and follow Jesus as the only Savior, Lord, and Hope of salvation, forgiveness, cleansing, acceptance, and eternal life, we should be more pitied than all people, even than the hardened atheists who live for themselves(I Corinthians 15:19).

10. There would be no purpose or joy in life at all (I Corinthians 15:30-32).

 But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen alseep.” — 1 Corinthians 15:20

The easiest and clearest answer is simply because God says so (note the passages mentioned above).  Not only does God command that we love our family members, but He calls us to love all of our neighbors (Luke 10:25-37) as well, and even to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48).  But now we ask, “Why has He commanded it?”.

After watching a video by Dr. Voddie Baucham on The Supremacy of Christ and Truth in a Postmodern World, I was meditating on what he had to say about the value and dignity of humans.  From a secular humanist’s standpoint, there is no way or reason for a human to have any value or worth.  And this lack of objective dignity given to all humans has led, is leading, and will always lead to a lack of love for them.  This only makes sense.  If we have no intrinsic value, then there is no moral obligation to love one another.  In Romans 13:7-8, Paul tells us that honor, respect, and love is an owed thing.  We owe our wives, husbands, children, parents, friends, neighbors, and enemies love.  And I think the reason we owe it to them is that they have inherent value that demands it.

Now we must understand something about the value and worth we have as humans.  We are not valuable in and of ourselves.  For, although it is in us, it is not of us.  Our value is in us, but not from us.  Ours is a derived value.  Our value comes from the One who made us in His image (Genesis 1:26, 27; 5:1; 9:6; I Corinthians 11:7; James 3:9).  Every human being has a God-given and God-dependent dignity.  It is not only given by God, but it rests in God.  We would have no value (or existence for that matter) without Him.  All of creation is worthless without the Creator who made, sustains, and works in and through it.  We, therefore, should not talk about our value, worth, or dignity apart from Him, who is the First and Best of beings, the only All-Worthy One who gives all of His creation its limited and dependent value.

This tells us that because everyone has worth and value and dignity which is indelibly tied to and dependent upon our Creator-Savior, the love we owe others is also unbreakably connected to Him.  Thus, our purpose and joy is not to esteem or praise ourselves with our own given, limited, and dependent worth and value, but Him and His necessary, eternal, unlimited, and independent worth and value by loving each other whom He has made in His image, with value derived from Him, and for His glory.

But the Day of Judgment takes a lifetime of preparation. And it starts from birth, or before. One may ask, “How can someone be preparing for Judgment Day (or anything) before they can talk or even before they are born?” That’s just it…, they don’t. But that does not mean preparation doesn’t or shouldn’t happen.

This is why God has given children their parents, as their preparers. As C. J. Mahaney put it in his book, Humility: The True Greatness (Pg. 158),

All parenting is ultimately a preparation for that day when your child will stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account.”

I couldn’t agree more. No matter what our kids end up doing for a career, or where they go to college, or even who they marry, if they are not prepared for THE DAY, then all is lost.

The only thing I would add, if I may be so bold, is to say that parenting is, as far as it lays on the parents, all about preparing their children AND being prepared themselves to stand before God when they must give an account for how they spent their time and energy and focus on preparing their children.

Although specifically speaking about leaders in the Church, Hebrews 13:17 applies also to and makes it clear that parents must give an account for their care of the souls under them:

…they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account.”

I conclude with the ending of an excellent article on restoring the family, “The Heart of Family Reformation“, by Jim Elliff:

Judgment Day

Puritan Richard Mather (1596-1669),… once imagined children on judgment day, speaking to their parents. His words will serve as a final sober warning that we must be more diligent to care the for the souls of our children:

All this that we here suffer is through you. You should have taught us the things of God, and did not. You should have restrained us from sin and correct us, and you did not. You were the means of our original corruption and guiltiness, and yet you never showed any competent care that we might be delivered from it. Woe unto us that we had such carnal and careless parents; and woe unto you that you had no more compassion and pity to prevent the everlasting misery of your own children.”

Oh that we would pray earnestly to feel the everlasting weight of this!

What do you want to be when you grow up?”

How many times has that question been asked to kids?  The answers you get are often comical.  But when you ask that question to parents about their children, it comes with a little more seriousness.  Of course many parents might get excited about the thought of their little ones becoming a doctor or a pastor or a lawyer or a professional athlete or the president of a company or of the United States or a missionary or whatever.  But at the same time there is sure to be a fair amount of fear in parents as well, when they think about the future of their children, especially when they look back on how many sinful and painful things they went through.

In keeping with part 1 of this two-part post on how we need to trust and delight in our Sovereign God, specifically when it comes to our children, the focus of this post is on how God is sovereign over prodigal children and every aspect of the future of our children.

SOVEREIGN OVER PRODIGAL CHILDREN

It might be helpful to first define this term, “prodigal”, before we talk about the Lord’s providential control over them.  A “prodigal” is a person who drives recklessly full speed ahead with little to no thought as to their direction or destination.  They are all accelerator and no steering; passionate drive without prudent direction.  Most simply, a prodigal is someone who wastes their life, fast and furiously.

It is probably not even possible to calculate all the pain and sorrow prodigal children have caused their parents (Proverbs 10:1; Proverbs 15:20; Proverbs 17:21,25; Proverbs 19:13; Proverbs 28:7; Proverbs 29:3).  The tears and prayers poured out for these children are just as incalculable.  What leads to a child going astray?  We all know someone, perhaps even ourselves, that has wasted or is wasting far too much of their youth.  And while the excuses and factors and reasons that parents, critics, and well-meaning people give for why children go astray, they really don’t seem to offer much hope or comfort.

For most Christians, probably the first thing that comes our minds when we think of a prodigal child is Jesus’ parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15.  Among the many wonderful truths found within this treasure chest is the sovereignty of God.  We see, by implication, that God was sovereign both in the leaving and the returning of the prodigal son, just as He was sovereign over the losing and finding of the sheep and the lost coin in the previous parables of Luke 15. 

First, we see that although there were two sons, both living under the love and provision and protection and teaching and discipline of the same father, yet one of the sons went astray (vv. 11-13).  What do we gather from this?  That the Lord wanted the younger son, even the prodigals we know, to run away?  Yes and no.  If we mean by that question that the Holy One desired, called, and commanded the younger son to be sinful, then the answer is, of course, no.  But if we mean that the All-Wise One had good and God-glorifying purposes in the sinful leaving of the younger son, then the answer is, of course, yes.  We must not view the Almighty merely as being able to fix and use our mistakes, but rather that He even intends them for His Holy, Wise, and Loving plans (cf. Genesis 50:20)!  God must be sovereign over the beginning and the end; the problem and the answer.  If God is not sovereign over all, then He is not sovereign at all.

Next, we see that God is sovereign in the middle of the prodigal’s situations and sinful living (vv. 14-16).  And this is the hope parents need who are still waiting for their prodigal children to return.  How is it that parents can sleep at night, when they have children who are off with such people, in certain places, doing kinds of things that parents absolutely dread; things that can ruin their lives, end their lives, and that are storing up for themselves the wrath of the Holy Judge who sees what is done in secret (Hebrews 4:13; Romans 2:16)?  All of the details that surround both compliant and prodigal children are in the hands of the Father.  Parents can only sleep with any sort of restfulness, if and when they acknowledge that their worrying not only is useless, but it is also a doubting of the Supreme Ruler and All-Powerful Creator and Sovereign Sustainer who calls us to trust Him, casting all of our cares on Him (James 4:4-8; I Peter 5:5-11, esp. v. 7).  This is where praying for the Lord to provide purposeful and effective suffering for prodigals might be the best prayers.  (See also 12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child, by Abraham Piper).

Last, we see that in the midst of all of the sad happenings of the prodigal son’s life, he miraculously “comes to himself” and then goes back to his father with a humble and repentent heart (vv. 17-21).  How did this happen?  Indeed the question on every parent’s mind who has a prodigal child is how can this happen for their child?  The answer is not that the young man just decided one day that he was doing things wrong and needed to repent.  No, repentence is only granted by the Sovereign Savior (II Timothy 2:25; Acts 5:31).  The answer seems to be made clear in the response of the young man’s father (vv. 22-24, 32).  The prodigal son’s father puts it in the passive voice, as though he were found and made alive by someone outside of himself (Ephesians 2:1-10).  This is nothing other than the soverign grace of God working in the heart of a wicked and wasted life.  This is the only and ultimate hope and prayer and praise of all prodigal children’s parents: The Sovereign and Gracious Savior!

SOVEREIGN OVER THE FUTURE

So very closely related to this issue of God being in complete control over prodigal children is the more general truth that God is in complete control over every detail and aspect of our children’s future.  Part of the fear of the future for our children is rooted in the fact that we don’t know what will happen in the next 5 minutes, let alone the next 5, 15, or 55 years.  This is why Solomon calls us to respond humbly and trustingly to the Sovereign God instead of trying to figure everything out so as to avoid all suffering (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14).

Who will they marry?  Where will they go to college?  Where will they live?  What will they do?  Will they be financially stable?  Will they be healthy?  Will they make wise choices?  How will they fare in this troubled and turbulent world?   We just don’t know; nor are we supposed to.  God has many reasons why He does not reveal to us our future, or the future of our children, but He has one major purpose: That He will be glorified as we trust Him for the present and the future and that we trust Him for the present and the future of our children. 

While it is our God-given responsibility to care for, guide, and plan for the future of our children, we must leave room for and always rely on the sovereignty of God (James 4:13-17).  And while it is wise, good, and loving for us to care for, guide, and plan for the future of our children, it would be a shameful mistake on our part to think that we know better or care more for our kids than our Heavenly Father does.  We must pray, plan, teach, and guide our children as we and because we trust in the sovereign Lord.  The ultimate test of our faith is not so much how much of ourselves we entrust to His care, but how much of our children we entrust to His sovereign care.

SOVEREIGN OVER LIFE

Despite what we may often think, we are not in control… of anything.  Probably one of the most common of areas where this is made abundantly clear is in conceiving a child.  For many couples getting pregnant seems almost too easy, but for many others it seems impossible.  The fact is, it is impossible for anyone and everyone if the Almighty Creator does not grant it.   This is so, because the Sovereign God alone opens and closes the womb.

Probably the most famous of passages in regard to this is Psalm 139.  In this Psalm, David praises the LORD for being the One who formed him, knitted him, and made him (vv. 13-15).  Surely David was not ignorant of the physical act that causes pregnancy, but he was also not ignorant of the Primary Cause (God) that works in and through the secondary causes to accomplish His eternal plans (Prov. 19:21).

Sweet and Practical Applications:

Psalm 127:3 — Children are a gracious GIFT from the LORD.  Thus, those who have children should be thankful and humbled by God’s mercy.  And those who do not have children should not think that God is being unfair to them because He has not given them what no one deserves.

Luke 1:36-37 — Nothing is impossible with God; not even infertility problems.  (Jer. 32:17).

Genesis 29:31; 30:1-2, 22 — God is compassionate and kind.  As your Father, He knows and cares about your pain, sorrow, and yearnings.  (I Peter 5:6-7).

Genesis 20:17-18; 25:21 — If you long for children, then you should pray for children with humility, knowing that we cannot demand and can never deserve to have a good and perfect gift of a child.  We should pray trusting in God’s omnipotence, wisdom, and loving-kindness.  (Matt. 7:7-11; James 4:4-8).

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!” (Ps. 27:14)

SOVEREIGN IN DEATH

Reasoning from the fact that God is sovereign over the life of children, it only makes sense that He would also be sovereign in their death.  Again, King David knew this as he states in verse 16 of the 139th Psalm: “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”

No one has ever or can ever live one millisecond beyond what the Creator has ordained for them.  Whether a child lives merely minutes after conception or lives to be 969 years old as Methuselah was (Gen. 5:27), the day of their death is in His perfect timing.  (Ecc. 3:1-2a, 11a).

My wife and I were more than elated when we found out that we were pregnant with our first child.  And we were more than devastated when we found out that we had lost our baby.  God graciously gave us 12 weeks to get to know our little one in the womb before we had a miscarriage.  Our first baby was to be born on Thanksgiving Day 2006, but God, in His Holy, Wise, and Loving plans had sovereignly ordained that our child die before their birth.

Even now the pain is real to me.  And it is good for us to know that we can be pained by the providence of God and at the same time give true worship to the providential One, only by faith.  David shows us this in II Samuel 12, upon the death of his child.  Job shows us this in Job 1:20-22; 2:9-10, upon the death of all of his children.

One of the things that the Holy Spirit used to comfort us and lead us to worship Him in faith during our mourning was the countless Scriptures that give so much comfort and peace and hope and joy and focus.  One such passage was Psalm 94, especially verses 12-14 and 17-19 — “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.” (v. 19).

Another merciful miracle that our Heavenly Father gave to us so that we could worship God even because of this heart-breaking tragedy was that our second child, our first born, was conceived before our first child was due to be born.  In essence, our first born, Ethan, could never have been born if we wouldn’t have had our miscarriage.  Now of course one life does not outweigh another, but it is inconceivable to us that we might not have had our firstborn son.  This was truly one of God’s ways that He sovereignly and graciously chose to comfort us and bring us joy and perspective.

But the best reason why we can worship God in the face of the horrible enemy of death is because we have hope (Heb. 6:13-20; Rom. 5:1-11).  This hope is only found in Jesus Christ who conquered death (Rom. 6:9-10; I Cor. 15:53-57; Rev. 1:17-18)!  He is the One who has life in Himself (John 1:4a; 5:26; 11:25)!  Focusing on the cross and the resurrection of Jesus gives us more reason than we could ever need to worship our sovereignly gracious Savior!

For all of this we must pray that the Sovereign LORD would grant that those who have children can be sensitive to those who do not and those who do not can be understanding with those who do.  And that all of us can sincerely mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom. 12:15).  And that all of us will bow down in humble, faith-filled worship to the One who is Sovereign over Life and in Death, even of our children.

Probably the most frequent place anger rears its ugly head is in the family, especially in marriage.  Why did she say that?  Why didn’t he do that?  Why don’t they listen?  Even though we know that we are not perfect, and even though we know that no one else is perfect either, we still get angry at the imperfections of others.  By saying “imperfections”, I mostly am referring to moral imperfections; sin.

I think a large part of the answer is that because we are not perfect, nor anyone or anything around us, we long for perfection. That is, we desire to be in the perfect environment.  We yearn to have perfect relationships.  We pray for and work towards perfection in ourselves and in others.  Absolute perfection is our dream. 

In reality, we long for Heaven; we long for Christ!

Jesus is the only holy-conceived and completely sinless person who has ever walked this earth.  Not only was He perfect by the absence of sin, but He was perfect by the presence of righteousness.  And as Christians, we rest on and stand on and believe in the active and “passive” obedience/perfection of Jesus Christ.

So the next time we find ourselves getting angry at the imperfections of others and/or ourselves, let us turn that anger into a longing prayer for Jesus’ return and a trusting, joyful, and humble praise to Jesus for His perfection on our behalf.  Let our frustration with imperfection be the reminder that we are not Home yet and that Jesus is still saving us by His perfection.  Let our dissatisfaction with imperfection be the catalyst to our treasuring more deeply the satisfying perfection of Jesus and the unfading, unmatched inheritance we have because of Him. 

Angry at Imperfection, Awaiting Heaven, and Trusting in Christ!

My boy, like his mother, is sweet and spicy.  There are times he can be super sweet as he gently kisses his baby brother on the head.  And then there are other times when he yells with such anger in his voice and on his face, all because he gets in trouble for being disobedient.

Some call this “mischievous”, or “kids being kids”, or “boys being boys”, etc…. God calls it sin. Sometimes it is all we can do to not laugh at his “grown up” actions or faces or attitudes. God does not laugh. We can give him rules, as we do and should.  We can give him discipline, as we do and should.  But in the end…

We cannot change his heart.

Frequently, he will “obey” by not touching this or that, but he shows his true heart of disobedience by getting as close as he can, just watching to see if we see him.  External reform, with inward rebellion.  He may be “obeying”, but he is still sinning.

Only God can change his heart!

Only God can save his soul!

Therefore, as we teach, as we command, as we lead by example, and as we discipline we dare not trust in these God-given means to do the work that only the Spirit of Power and Grace can do, but we do them as we pray and trust in Him to do His work for His glory.

Photo by B. Asher | TTV by J. Morrison