Little Johnny hits little Billy right in the eye. (SMACK!)  Billy says, “Ouch!  What did you do that for?!?”  Johnny uncaringly says, “Cuz I wanted to.”  Billy says, “But it’s just plain mean and wrong to hit someone for no reason.”  Johnny flipantly replies, “I don’t care.”  What’s Johnny’s problem?  You might say that immorality is his problem.  He just needs his parents to discipline him and teach him some manners (i.e., morality).  But that is not entirely correct (or precise enough).

Later on that same day Billy and Tommy (one of Billy’s friends) see Johnny at the little league ballpark concession stand where he (unknowingly) drops a ten dollar bill.  Billy starts to alert Johnny about the money he dropped when Tommy stops him by saying, “What are you doing?  Don’t say anything about it.  Let’s let him walk away and then we can take it.”  Billy says, “No,… I don’t think that’d be right.”  Tommy reminds Billy that this is the same kid who, for no apprarent reason, gave him a black eye just hours ago.  ”Let’s take the money and buy some candy for ourselves.  Finders keepers.  Besides, he deserves it.”, says Tommy.  To which Billy responds, “No, Tommy.  That would be stealing.”  Tommy says, “But this is your chance to ’hit’ him back.”  Then Billy resolutely says, “Look, Tommy.  I don’t know about you, but taking that money would be wrong, and I ain’t gonna do it.  Besides, my mom and dad always told me to turn the other cheek.  So,… I’d rather do the right thing and not ‘hit’ him back.”  What’s Billy’s problem?  On the outside it looks like Billy is very moral, even Christ-like.  But perhaps, just perhaps there is something else besides Christ-like morality in Billy’s heart.  I haven’t given enough information here to discern Billy’s motivation and goal, but too many of us would be contentedly proud of both Billy and his parents merely for his moral behavior.  So let’s dig a little deeper.

Johnny’s parents didn’t teach him to act morally, nor did they discipline him when he acted immorally.  Billy’s parents, on the other hand, taught him to do good things, say kinds words, and to respond to people and circumstances with an upright character.  Both of these boys are in danger of being justly condemned to hell forever (Matthew 7:21-23).  There are not just two roads when it comes to teaching our kids morality.  There are three different things that we and our children become: Immoral (which comes by bad example, bad teaching, and by not teaching them rightly (“letting them make their own choices”)), Moral (which is Biblically appropriate and Christ-like living), and Moralistic (which is externally good behavior with a bad heart that stems from false or bad motives and/or inappropriate purposes).

You see, while the external behaviors matter, they are the overflow of internal motivations and desires (Matthew 15:18-19).  Maybe Billy is moral, but maybe he is moralistic.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he thinks that he’ll earn his way to heaven for doing good things.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he was a people-pleaser and desired to be praised by those around him.  Maybe Billy did what was right because he was scared that in his next life his Karma would get him.  The point is, we should not be satisfied with our kids doing right things, but rather we should only be satisfied with them doing right things from a right heart of humble faith in Jesus all for the glory of God.

So, should we teach our children to obey and do what is right?  Of course!  (See also Dr. John Piper’s article on teaching our kids to act morally).  We definitely do not want them to be immoral.  But we also should not want them to be moralistic (i.e., being good only on the outside, while inwardly they are wasting away).  We must teach our children to say, do, think, and respond morally, but never to trust in their morality.  We must teach them and pray for them and model for them true, Christ-like morality.  We must seek to reach their hearts, not just their behavior.  We must ask them probing heart-questions and talk to them about the WHY (both motivations and purposes) for their actions.  We must protect them from the disease of Phariseeism, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy.  We must teach them to be moral, not moralistic; for their everlasting destiny is at stake.

Fathers are named specifically in Ephesians 6:4 and have an especially prominent role in shaping the minds and hearts of their children in accord with the Lord¹s instruction. And part of that instruction is the Lord’s truth about racial differences and how we should think and feel and act about them.

Here are 8 ways (among other possible ways) for moms and dads to help their children to love people who are different from them:

1.Help the children believe in God¹s sovereign wisdom and goodness in creating them with the body that they have.

2.Help the children believe in God’s sovereign wisdom and goodness in making other people with the body that they have.

3.Help the children believe that they and all other children and adults are made in God’s image.

4.Teach the children that God tells us to do to others as we would like others to do to us.

5.Teach the children and model for them that their own sin is uglier than anybody they think is physically unattractive.

6.Teach the children that God loves them in spite of the ugliness of their sin and that he proved this by sending his Son to die for our sins and give forgiveness to all who would trust him.

7.Teach the children that because Jesus died for them and rose again, he becomes for them an all-satisfying Friend and Treasure.

8.Teach the children to love others who are different from them, not in order to be accepted by God, but because they already are accepted by God because of Jesus.
It is the power of God in the gospel that is the power to love people different from ourselves. This is the key we give to our children, and the key to daily life as parents.

(RT: Desiring God)

Consider with me that Christ has called us out of the world to live differently from the world.  Our sinful flesh says to lie, cheat, steal, kill, manipulate, control, worry, doubt, and fight to always avoid painful things and to gain pleasant things.  Following the nagging voices of the world, the flesh, and the devil will always be much easier than doing that which is best and right and Christ-exalting.

This is perhaps most commonly played out in our family relationships.  Husbands are called to lovingly lead their families as servants and examples with gentleness, understanding, and faithful consistency, but the sinful ways of either commanding and “lording over” their wives and children or disengaging with a kind of “just-forget-it” apathy are the easier ways out.  Wives are called to respectfully help and submit to their husbands, but the sinful ways of either stubbornly putting up a fight on everything and distrusting and discouraging your husband or not being open and honest and helpful with him are the much easier ways out.  And as parents, we are called by God to shepherd the hearts of our children, not just their behavior, but the sinful ways of either overbearingly controlling their behavior so as to just make them look good in public or wimpishly giving in to the every whine and manipulating tactic of our children are the easier ways out.

As Christians who have been called to “fight the good fight”, to “run the race with all endurance”, and to “never grow weary in doing good”, we must not give in to the easy way out.  If (since) our family and our Savior-King is worth it, we must strive to do the difficult work of life and relationships.  Unlike those outside of Christ, we have the hope, the help, and the joy that we need to keep on keeping on.  We know that if we do not give up, we will reap a reward that far outweighs any struggle or heartache that it takes to do the hard work in our relationships.

But the truth is that homemaking involves so much more than just cleaning a house. The commands in Scripture to love, follow, and help a husband; to raise children for the glory of God; and to manage a home encompass a vast responsibility. Homemaking requires an extremely diverse array of skills—everything from management abilities, to knowledge of health and nutrition, to interior decorating capabilities, to childhood development expertise. If you are to become an effective homemaker, then you must study these subjects and many more.

It turns out that, in God’s plan, the home is the University and mom is the Professor of this all-encompassing subject. The whole article is wise and helpful.

(HT: John Piper at Desiring God)

(This is a repost from last year, but for those who haven’t read it yet (and/or for those who want to be reminded of this… enjoy!)

While many parents are content with having their children believe in Santa Claus, there are still many other parents who wonder if it is right thing.  This post is meant to make you think about it perhaps more deeply and more Biblically/Theologically.

Despite the ambiguous and somewhat tainted origins of the warm, friendly, and even jolly Kris Kringle, this modernized mythological figure is in opposition to Christmas.  By, “Christmas”, here, it is meant the Christian and sanctified idea, apart from most of its own somewhat ambiguous and tainted history.  The word, “Christmas”, comes from two old words meaning, “to gather together to celebrate Christ(’s birth)”.  This is the idea that is meant here: The exalting of and exulting in Jesus the Christ, the only sinless Savior and supreme Lord, as being conceived supernaturally of the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin in order to display the greatness, grace, and glory of God!

This is what our modern idea of Santa Claus opposes.  It is not that the person of Santa Claus is bad, for he is not a real person; nor is it that the historical person of St. Nicholas is bad, upon whom some of the mythical figure of Santa Claus is based.  The issue is that the modern understanding of Santa Claus hinders, instead of helps the worship of Jesus on and around Christmas.

Some parents adhere to the notion that it is mere harmless fun to let their children play make-believe, especially with regards to such an innocent figure as Santa.  Most of their reasoning comes from their own experiences and delightful memories of believing in Jolly Old St. Nick.  They believed in the myth, and feel better, not worse for it.  Therefore, they reason that we lose some of the magical wonder of Christmas and the spirit of the season if kids do not believe in Santa Claus.

But I would offer three contending thoughts to this sort of reasoning:

1. If it makes children happy to believe in and focus on the mythical figure of Santa Claus, how much more true and lasting joy can they have if they believe in and focus on the real, historical, and eternal Person of Jesus Christ?  (Luke 2:8-20, esp. verses 10, 11, 18-20).

2. It may not be the intention of parents to lie to their children, but a lie consists of at least three parts: 1) False content, 2) Evil motivations, and/or 3) Negative consequences.  Now to be sure, I know of no parent who has ever told thier children to (or let their children) believe in Santa Claus out of evil motivations.  However, it is still false content and I would contend that it brings about the negative consequence of distracting from the real and only worthy One of Christmas.

3. Why would any Christian parent want to waste or even muddle such a rare and amazing opportunity to teach and witness to their children about Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas.  Santa Claus, and all that comes with him, is at best distracting people from Christ and at worst being exalted and exulted in, in addtion to, instead of, or above Jesus Christ.

Now each person, parent, and family must decide who or what will be the conscious and ever-growing focus of their house, especially on and around Christmas.  For Christians, whatever we do, we must make an intentional effort to keep the glorifying focus on Jesus Christ.  How will you do it?

1. Have you been treasuring Christ above all of the other good gifts of the gospel?
2. Have your actions this week been for the praise of God, or for the praise of people?
3. Have you diligently and consistently spent time in the Word and in prayer?
4. Have you been a servant leader for your wife, tempering honesty with love and kindness?
5. Have you smiled/laughed with and encouraged your kids more than you’ve spoken sternly?
6. Have you been above reproach sexually with any and all thoughts, images, and women in your life?
7. Have you exercised consistently and been faithful to honor God with your eating?
8. Have you been wise in appropriately balancing time between work and family?
9. Have you sought to pray for and share the gospel with any non-believers this week?
10. Have you spent time learning and growing through reading and listening to other Godly men?

“Some Practical Benefits, Reasons, and Purposes for Being Commited to Family Worship Even With Very Young Children”. 

What follows is a non-exhaustive list for parents of young children to consider.  Practicing consistent Family Worship with very young children (even toddlers and infants; which I have) will:

1. Establish a consistent pattern that carries on in your family and will always be with your children.

2. Give you the ability to train them to sit quietly and listen during family and corporate church worship services.

3. Familiarize your children with the things, words, and ways of worship.

4. Teach you how to be better, more patient, and creative teachers and leaders of worship for your children.

5. Teach and express that the Gospel and God and the Bible are not just for adults.

6. Solidify the importance of family worship in the home, since you are willing and commited to it even with the youngest of children.

7. Help you become more comfortable and open and free aobut worshipping the Lord together with your children and spouse.

8. Teach and express the value and love for your family, both to them and to others.

9. Honor God by integrating God and home (worshipping God together with your family in your home).

10. Answer for you when to start family worship.  (When is “older”?  When is “later?).

11. Encourage and equip you and your family for true worship at church, and therefore will strengthen congregational worship.

12. Provide for quiet, relaxing, focused, and purposefully Christ-centered time at home.

13. Help you accomplish and measure your obedience to bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4), to teach your children diligently the commands of God (Deut. 6:4-9), and to tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord (Ps. 78:1-8).

14. Teach and remind you that only God knows what an infant, toddler, or preschooler can understand, learn, retain, and benefit from.  (We certainly wouldn’t want our infants or toddlers hearing vulgar or blasphemous language.  Why not, if we are so “sure” that they can’t understand any of it?).

15. Remind you daily of both your responsibility with your children’s teaching, training, and direction for now and eternity as well as the weighty, important, and urgent need that your children have to hear, understand, and believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ so as to worship Him alone!

The Holy Spirit enlightened my mind last night through my wife.

Whenever my wife and I have a “big” or “serious” argument, which is quite rare for us, she tends to be more emotional and therefore aggressive.  She is hurt and/or feels an injustice has taken place, which leads to her anger.  Her anger leads to her emotionally charged words directed at me.  Her goal is to make me feel the pain or frustration that she feels (to a lesser degree, an equal degree, or a greater degree).  She is aggressive in her attempt to achieve this.

I, on the other hand, am more of a “thinker” than a “feeler”.  I tend to be more reserved and calm in my approach.  Often what happens, however, is that I let her angry words produce anger in me, and I respond accordingly.  I have always blamed her for this, since I am the one who is seeking to be calm and use less emotionally charged words (at least initially).

But, becasue of God’s gracious answer to my prayer for wisdom and insight, I learned something last night.  I learned that we have the same goal in an argument.  I am hurt or feel an injustice has occurred for which I am angry and I want her to feel the weight of her sin against me.  I want her to feel the pain that I feel for what she said, did, or didn’t do to me (to a lesser, equal, or greater degree).

Just because I don’t pursue that end aggressively (at least not at first), does not mean that I’m not pursuing it.  I tend to be passive-aggressive; that is, I seek the same thing she seeks (pain for the other person) in a calm, cool, and collected way.  She comes barging in the front door, whereas I come sneaking in the back door.  Both of us seeking to accomplish the same thing.

I have been ignorantly arrogant and self-deceived about this for a long time (Jeremiah 17:9-10).  I always try to get her to leave her emotions out of the argument, as if my passive-aggressive way of achieving a wicked end is better than her aggressive way.  The problem is not so much the mode of operation, but the intended goal of our operations.  It is sinful to seek to hurt another person, especially one’s own spouse (Ephesians 5:15-33; I Peter 3:1-7), no matter what the approach may be.

What makes this so evil for me is that not only do I seek the same sinful end as she, namely, to make the other person feel the same pain we feel, and not only do I often revert to the aggressive method of achieving this end (using harsh words and childish gestures and mean faces), but I also seek to make her feel worse about being the main and/or first aggressive one and myself feel better about being the passive-aggressive one.

For these sins (of purposefully seeking to hurt my wife with my mean and mean-spirited words, of dishonoring my wife and more than that, the God who gave her to me, and of my self-deceiving arrogance), I repent with a heavy and sad heart, humbled in my shame and guilt.  I fall at the feet of Jesus, my (the only) Savior, yet once again, calling out to Him in faith for mercy to cleanse me, save me, forgive me, and change me for His glory.

But his use of the emphatic negative echoes the Apostle Paul as he quotes from Psalms 14 and 53 in Romans 3:10 — “… no, not…”

10 as it is written: ‘None is righteous, no, not one;

11 no one understands; no one seeks for God.

12 All have turned aside; together they have become worhless;

no one does good, not even one.’”

So, everytime my son tells me, “No, not.”, I think of how desperately we ALL need the righteousness of Jesus Christ and His substitionary death, for there is none righteous besides Him,…

No, Not one.